My Nightmare before Xmas that turned into a Miracle
Four days before Christmas 2020, my job of almost 13 years gave me shocking news: that if I did not move back to the US from overseas where I’d been working and living for 8 years, that I would no longer have a job
I considered the proposal for about 10 seconds. Everything in me screamed NO at the possibility.
It’d be the rational thing to do, yes, but it would be selling my soul to play it safe.
I knew I could not do it.
I got off the work call and burst into tears. It felt like a break up, because it was.
My job was the longest relationship I’d ever had.
My biggest fear had been that I would lose my job and be forced to move back to the US and get a ‘real job.’
I thought that my job was the only one I could qualify for on the planet with the money and freedom I wanted.
I saw no other options through the eyes of fear and lack.
And on December 21, 2020, this fear played out before my eyes.
Thank god the universe had already been percolating possibilities.
A few months prior to the December work meeting, an idea came out of the blue: what about becoming a life coach?
I had never considered it before.
I’d never seen myself as a leader, or as someone who had anything worthwhile to offer anyone – up until my working with others in selfless service in AA as I had been doing since 2019.
But I thought it would take a long time before I could be a coach, so I put the idea aside.
Ten days before the job news, I had my first session with a transformational mindset coach who encouraged me to jump in and just start coaching. And I did, and knew immediately this was my calling.
Then December 21 happened, and I soon understood it was the universe pushing me off a cliff.
I would never have quit my job, so I had to be forced out.
And god had created a beautiful place to land.
But in the moment, I couldn’t see the possibilities, only what I was losing and giving up.
It looked like a nightmare at the time, but now I know it was the best thing that could have happened.
Now one year has passed and my life is seriously a dream, beyond a dream.
I don’t ‘work.’ I get to spend my time connecting with people through coaching, Reiki, or taking them through the 12 Steps.
I connect with people who are up to big things, or tough things, or exciting things – or all of the above
I remember in the month after my job ended, I would ride around on my motorbike on the tropical island paradise where I lived, and look around in wonder, with one thought echoing in my mind: “THIS IS JUST MY LIFE.”
There was no divide between ‘work’ and ‘life.’
I did not have to clock in and do work I didn’t enjoy, to cash in my time for hourly wages.
It was a surreal and beautiful feeling.
It’s not been all roses, of course.
There has been lots of financial fear- the same fear that kept me in the dead end job with a steady paycheck for too long.
I can get afraid that I will never make another dollar, although my bank account has risen exponentially since I left my 9-5.
Sometimes I fear if I am “a good coach,” even though I have helped people get real results.
Yet I recognize this is my growing edge, and that I don’t exist in a vacuum.
In the past, it was truly just all about me. Now there is a greater purpose in my own growth: that those I work with also benefit when I handle my fears and insecurities and grow through them.
Not once, through all the ups and downs of the past year, have I regretted my choice to take the leap out of my old job and into the unknown.
It was the best decision I have ever made.
Things show up in life sometimes looking a certain way, but I’m not god so I can’t know the bigger picture.
I thought my life would be over if I lost my job. But in trusting the unknown, knowing that everything is always working out for me- no matter how it might present- I can rest in the river of life, letting her currents carry me along the twists and turns, rapids and drops.It’s not a fun ride if I resist the flow.
So when fear comes, I do my best to relax, let go, and enjoy the journey.
And what a beautiful journey it is when I am present and surrender to what is.
I truly love my life that I don’t need a vacation from.
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