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2 YEARS SUGAR FREE

2 YEARS SUGAR FREE

(A twist on “one year, no beer”)

This month marks 2 years no sugar for me

I’ve had numerous substitutes for beer since I gave it up in 1999 at 22 years old.

Sugar

, chips, crackers, along with all things binge-y and snack-y, filled the same alcohol & drug-shaped hole after I gave them up

The sugar game has been a much longer and more painful one to play, but I’m so grateful to say that it has been 2 years now that I have not indulged in any candy

, cake

, ice cream

, cookies

or any other confectionery.

I acknowledge myself

for my commitment, my willingness to surrender day by day – even through cravings and temptations – and to recommit as needed to the decision that just for today, for this hour, this moment, I will not eat sugar

.

I will not buy that bag of chips or cookies.

Those things are like beer

for this alcoholic. Once I start, I can’t stop

.

Most days, I live in a position of neutrality, safe and protected, from the desire to binge.

On rare days, suddenly I see the cafe dessert case from across the room, like it was a long-lost lover

I get captivated

by the bright promise of pleasure that is held in the creamy crown of carrot cake

, the cool pastel slice of lemon pie

, the brown buttery crumbs of apple turnover

, or the dark gaze of chocolate mousse

.

Sugar and bingeing gave me that same warm embrace I sought in a romantic partner

.

Nowadays, when I notice the urge to splurge, I see it as data – information about my internal landscape

.

Something is off within me if I want to use food to medicate my emotions

.

Today I don’t abandon myself, reject or ridicule, when I feel that old familiar craving come on, or that hollow emptiness that rises inside like thunderclouds building on the horizon

I just notice and be. I sit with myself. I acknowledge my awareness as an act of self love

The love I sought through sugar and substances, I give myself

.

This I have found to be the winning formula- praying

and staying in a space of willingness to surrender, moment by moment, any craving to numb.

Whether it be to use food

, sugar

, or smokes

, sex

, substances

, or shopping

– any and all of these can be void-fillers and vitality-killers

.

I’ll keep sharing about my progress on this path in hopes it helps you on yours

.

Wherever you are on your journey, I acknowledge you

.

If you’re in denial

or acceptance

– suffering and hopelessness

or moment-to-moment surrender – or total freedom and peace

, I invite you to meet yourself with compassion

And I will meet you there too

.

Because I’ve been there before, and I know, and understand

.

What is it for you? What is your crutch? And where are you on the journey?

There is no better use of my experience than to help others with what I have learned. I am here for you

PS – my foto is unedited, unairbrushed and unfiltered aside from basic lighting/color. No face or body smoothing or skinnying or youthify-ing effects have been applied.

This is the real me

😍

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© 2023 by Natalie Speakman

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